I will write your cover letter for $99.99. You shouldn't hire me.

Plus a bad cover letter and a good cover letter for your edification.

September 14, 2023

Hi Informational Interviewers!

Today I have a special offer just for you. For the low low price of $99.99 I will write your cover letter. Yes, you heard that right, just $99.99. All you have to do is:

  • Venmo me $99.99.

  • Send me a few paragraphs of your crappy rough draft.

  • And meet with me once for 30-45 minutes to help fill in any gaps in your narrative.

I will do all the heavy lifting of crafting a compelling and undeniable cover letter.

Now, I gotta be honest with you, in 98.5% of cases this is not gonna be a good use of your money.

Cover letters, even more than resumes, are a stupid waste of the time and should be abolished. There are so many things wrong with cover letters. To state just one of them, unless you are a content marketer or a journalist your ability to write a good cover letter probably doesn’t strongly correlate with your ability to do the job in question. Also, if you want to do affirmative action for people who could afford to be English majors at liberal arts colleges, then I guess this is one way to go about it. It’s not very equitable though.

Fortunately most of the time you can get around the cover letter issue by just DOING INFORMATIONAL INTERVIEWS. However, there are a handful of situations where crafting a good cover letter is unavoidable and essential. For certain fellowship programs or really traditional organizations that lean heavily on the cover letter as a screening tool you might really need a good cover letter.

So for these very specific situations, I am in earnest. I really will write your cover letter for $99.99. Just please think very carefully before you spend your money this way. A cover letter is not a shortcut to a job. If you determine you are one of the 1.5% of cases where it really matters, then by all means, hmu. I’d do it for free, but then I’d get too many requests.

Anyways, thats all for now!

Stay Savvy,

Emma

Bad Cover Letter. Good Cover Letter.

I’ve seen a lot of bad cover letters in my day.

The thing is, I have a hard time saying why they are bad. Maybe they are too salesy? Or too focused on the applicant? Or the narrative isn’t compelling? Or their too fully of intensifying adjectives? I don’t know. All I know is they are all basically bad in the same way. It’s like the opposite of that famous Tolstoy line from Anna Karenina about happy families (Yes, I have read Anna Karenina. Yes, in it’s entirety. Yes, I do think that I deserve a medal.).

I think if I was willing to spend more time thinking about cover letters I would be able to figure out exactly why all the bad ones are bad. But since cover letters are a waste of time, I don’t want to waste my time thinking about them. Instead I’m just going to show you a bad one that I made good. And maybe that will help you see the difference.

Here you go. You’re welcome ;)

The Bad Cover Letter

[Candidate]

[City, State]

[Candidate email address]

[Candidate phone number]

To whom it may concern,

It was was in the Grand Canyon that my life mission became clear: I am going to help bring sustainable apparel manufacturing to the world. It was day 3 of a river rafting trip. I had just finished a 5 mile paddle in the rain, and was soaked to the bone. I paused after finally setting up the tent on the river bank, noticed the canyon walls and the clouds above me. The feelings of confusion that I had been experiencing lifted and I felt an intense surge of emotion that has put me firmly on this path.

Overall this experience on the river was transformative and clarifying. When I saw the [role] role at [company], I immediately knew I had to reach out and apply. The role is perfect for where I am in my life right now. I’m looking for a role that will allow me to use my skills to work on things I really care about, like sustainable fashion.

I am great at task-switching, managing relationships, and leading and helping others. I am passionated, hardworking and detail-oriented, and I care deeply about climate and sustainability. While I don’t have any experience in the sustainable apparel industry, my background in climate and conservation non-profits is definitely related.

Your mission to redesign the fashion supply chain to promote sustainability calls to me. I see so much promise in the sustainable apparel industry today, and I can already feel how enthusiastic I am to tackle this role. It would be a perfect fit for me at this stage of life.

I appreciate your consideration for the [title] role and hope to speak with you soon to further discuss how my background fits this role.

I eagerly anticipate the possibility of further discussing my experiences and skills.

Sincerely,

[Candidate]

The Good Cover Letter

September 13th, 2023

[Company Name]

[Hiring Manager]

[Address]

[Address]

Dear Ms. [Hiring Manager],

I am reaching out to inquire about the [title] role on your team. Your team’s mission to redesign the supply chain to promote more sustainable apparel manufacturing resonates deeply and I’m excited to explore the possibility of contributing to that mission in the [title] role on your team. My near-decade of combined experience in at climate non-profits and conservation organizations has prepared me well for this opportunity.

As non-profit operator I’ve built donor development programs, designed customer success operations, managed hiring processes, handled large-scale public awareness campaigns, developed public/private collaboration playbooks and led organization-wide strategic initiatives.

Of particular relevance, at [Company] I built and led a grant-funded operation to invest over $1.5M in 10 climate-focused non-profits. I managed the pipeline of grants, built the evaluation process, collaborated with legal and finance teams, and provided tactical support to the non-profit leaders throughout. The organizations we funded have gone on to dramatically impact their communities. The skills I developed through this experience prepared me to support your small-scale fair trade manufacturing partnerships.

Overall, my strengths lie in partnering with high-level, high-ability leaders and entrepreneurs. In all my roles I’ve supported non-profit leaders and executives in identifying big problems, producing insights, and building processes to create scalable solutions.

While the majority of my experience has been in conservation and climate non-profits, I am actively looking to pivot into the sustainable apparel space. My commitment to transitioning into the sustainable apparel industry crystallized on a executive leadership river rafting program this summer. That experience shaped how I approach leadership and my sense of urgency around helping the world transition to sustainable apparel manufacturing.

I have also learned a great deal from talking with industry insiders at nonprofits and B-Corp apparel companies, and from reading books like “Fashion Forward,” “Shifting the Fashion Playbook,” “Ethical Fashion,” and “The Conscious Closet.”

Thank you for taking the time to consider my application for the [title] role.

Warmly,

[Candidate]

That’s it. Have fun kiddos. I don’t forget: it’s all about the informational interview!

On a separate note, I regret my flippant comments about Anna Karenina early in this post. It’s a beautiful book. Highly recommend.

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